Herman inside!

I think I write like I live and speak. I can’t seem to concentrate on one single thing for more than a few moments before my mind jumps onto something else and humps the thought to death only to have it cease because yet another thought has come into its territory. Only in those rare instances when I feel the urge to just write (for writing’s sake) can I really get out what’s on my mind; when my mind is neither humping away at random thoughts nor is it completely blank — just in “normal” mode I guess. That’s when things just come out of me and flow like the river Nile. Hah, that was a good one. But as the definition of normal goes, that’s actually what I find least descriptive of my own self. Go figure.

It’s been a very long time since I’ve written one of these entries I categorize as Personal. The reason has nothing to do with the fact that I may be scared of people knowing what goes on in my head or what my particular feelings I may have on a certain topic. Heck, I could care less about that actually. I mean, that’s the reason I write the way I do here, right? Rhetorical question. Don’t answer that. What I mean though is that when I tell myself that I’m writing for my own sake, what I’m really doing is just writing for an audience — that audience being you.

And while I may think sometimes that I would still write the way I do even if 0 people read this blog, the truth is that I probably wouldn’t write at all if I knew nobody was reading. Because I know this as a fact in terms of my own writing, I make it a point to read everyone else’s blogs (etc.) because I think that’s the core reason why people bother to write. They have something to say and they want someone to hear it (or in this case, to read it). Lots of people write “I don’t care if anybody reads this”, blah blah blah, but I think what lots of them mean instead is “I hope somebody reads this because I’m bothering to write it”. So, that’s where I’m coming from.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had this urge to write an entry like this for many reasons. The main reason being that when things get tough or crazy in real life (both in a good and bad way), writing makes it all feel organized even when it’s really not. I think that’s the wonderful thing about being able to write on your own. On my own. Anyway, I’ve had this entry “in the works” for quite some time now — conceptually — in the back of my mind. I say conceptually because I’ve been trying to find the best way to say some of the things while making it at least a bit exciting to read so that, like I said before, somebody would read it.

I’ve thought about the non-ending sentence structure (did this already previously), the list (easy to do, but hard to formulate and order), the pooping out of random words (done this before too, but nobody except me ever understands it), the coherent essay-like structure (BOOOORRRRIIINNNGGG), and I’ve even considered drawings/sketches (can’t draw for this). Not one of those felt reliable enough to convey any sort of meaning from me to you, so I just settled on what I always settle for: a hybrid of something completely random. In this case, it must be the list, the essay, and the non-ending sentence. Fantastic!

While I may have written some of this stuff and spoken of some of this to certain folks over the course of the past 2-3 months, I think it’s incredibly fun and totally obnoxious of me (WHEE!) to allow you all to be in on the happenings in my life as well. You take the next step to read if you’d like. Heh, I mean, c’mon, where’s the fun in keeping secrets, right? Although I will admit that secrets do make people very interesting and a person with a completely open life book needs to seriously re-examine what they do and don’t let out for the world to judge them upon. So with that said, I do pick my public “announcements” to share quite carefully. The other secrets? Well, you’ll have to persuade me to tell you those. :P

I wonder what this post is gonna show up like in people’s Xanga subscriptions.

Since my life revolves around so many different relationships, I thought it would be super awesome to talk about my various relationships, specifically the ones about L.O.V.E.!!!!! OOOOOO AHHHHH!! :D
Call it a coincidence (or don’t) or fate (or something), but in the past week I’ve had 3 different people ask me if I was going out with anybody. No names mentioned, but I can hear in each of their (or rather, YOUR) tone of voice that you have somebody in mind. The short answer, of course is, “No”. The long answer is “No, I am not going out with anybody”. Although if I were going out with somebody at the moment, it would most likely be her. Unfortunately, she and I just don’t work out that way. Too bad [for her? for me?] I guess.

Heh, here I am, writing about my life loves while I have a 10-page paper due in just a few hours. Heck, I guess my mind convinced itself that this is more important. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to get a 10-page paper pregnant in the future, right? So I might as well be focusing on something more worthwhile…like discussing my future mate. HAR HAR HAR! Talking about this always makes me think of whether or not I already know my wife. And my answer is always the same. I think I DO know my wife at the moment. This automatically means that I probably have somebody in mind, but contrary to popular belief, I really don’t. I just have that odd feeling that someone I know at the moment will probably marry me out of the blue. Something like, “Hey Herman. I’ve known you for so long. Marry me.” And well, that’ll be that. Married! Or I guess it could work vice versa, where I go up to a girl I’ve known for a while and say, “Yo baby, what’s good. I see you’re single and you’ve been waiting for me. Well, here I am. Marry me.” And that’ll be that. Married! Haha, but really, who am I kidding? It could be that I really don’t know who I’m going to marry. I think I’m more scared of NOT getting married at all than not knowing WHO I’m going to marry. I remember praying once and asking God to write in the book of Life that I do get married in his almighty plan. I hope I didn’t jinx myself by asking for that! :O

Heck, how did I get to talking about MARRIAGE? Shoot, I meant to just dispel rumors of me going out with someone, and here I am rambling about who I’m going to marry and have kids with! Heh, the thought of little Herman’s and Hermannette’s (this name will substitute for my real wife’s name in the meantime) running around kinda makes me think of a lot of Joey’s in the house. I’d be totally psyched and freaked at the same time if that were to be the case. Wow. I wouldn’t know what to do. Thank goodness women don’t bear children in litters like dogs do. That is, of course, assuming that my wife doesn’t have quintuplets…or more. :O

At this point I have no idea what I’m writing. I’ve been up all night and I ended up writing THIS rather than my 10-page paper. I am a genius. But hey, at least this loosened me up. Maybe if I write this well on my paper I’ll get at least a C. :P

I love my friends. You know who you really are. :) Thank you for the inspiration, thank you for the love, thank you for the randomness. Thank you for not wanting to grow up fast. Thank you for being silly, thank you for playing, and thank you most of all for the laughs. This sucked and didn’t nearly cover everything I wanted to cover, but I’ll leave that for next time.