Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is not making a lot of fans of the movie franchise happy, particularly because this fourth film is so incredibly retarded compared to the other 3.
The Editing Room has written an abridged script for the film and it is hilarious (even more so if you’ve seen the film, which I have).
The abridged script goes over just about every “WHAT?” and “HUH?!” in the entire film in great dialogue.
Here’s a short excerpt from one of the bigger scenes in the movie where Shia’s character fights Cate’s character on a moving vehicle through the forest.
A caravan of vehicles, led by a giant tree-cutting machine, travels deep into the AMAZON FOREST. HARRISON uses a CHEAT CODE to spawn a ROCKET LAUNCHER, then uses it to blow up the tree-cutting machine.
SHIA LABEOUF
I’m pretty sure the audience came here to see more Shia LaBeouf, so I’m going to fence Cate Blanchett in front of an obvious green screen.HARRISON FORD
Wait, what are they chasing us through? Are there roads in the middle of the jungle? Why the hell did we bother showing that tree-cutting thing if we were just going to contradict the very thing it was trying to establish?KAREN ALLEN
That’s what’s so great about this movie – we can just do whatever the hell we want, because even glaringly obvious flaws like that are dwarfed by the sheer magnitude of failure that is the rest of the movie.To illustrate this, SHIA LEBEOUF flies up into the FUCKING JUNGLE and swings like FUCKING TARZAN along the FUCKING VINES with a FUCKING ARMY of CGI FUCKING MONKEYS. That actually FUCKING HAPPENS.
The whole abridged script is worth reading (it’s not that long). By the way, The Editing Room gave the film 2 out of 5 stars.
