This would have made a great Christmas gag gift. The NoPhone was unsuccessfully funded on Kickstarter but apparently the idea was held so dearly by its founders that they decided to go ahead with the concept and make it a real product anyway.
The NoPhone is a sort of iPhone replica made on an injection molding machine. The plastic mold is entirely waterproof (duh!) and has absolutely no features whatsoever. You can't make a call. You can't take photos. You can't use any apps. You can't even use the non-existent screen. It's truly a phone for those who want nothing to do with a smartphone.
Keep it with you to chuck at people you hate or just keep it in your other pocket to make yourself feel a little more important. Whatever the use is, know that it'll serve 100% of its intended purpose. The NoPhone is available on Amazon right now!